Editor, This just in…
ICE Takes Ivanka
ICE agents moved on the White House today and separated the president from his daughter/wife, Ivanka.
AG Sessions recused himself from the controversy claiming he doesn’t know what foreign country “Ivanka” is from; moreover, he’s uncertain whether his zero tolerance policy is applicable to Ivanka or her father/husbands investment partners, or both.
He’s so conflicted he’s retained Roger Stone for PR and psychological counseling.
Don, Jr., in his patented unsolicited fashion, asserted himself (nonetheless) saying, “a family that lives together and loves together, lives well and is lovely.”
The president said the democrats are at fault and he won’t settle.
“You can have Melania (and Jarod), just give Ivanka back to me,” begged a panicked president, his orange pompadour turning white.