hherget@aol.com                                                                     Word Count:  221


Thinking about dieting…

First, we have to accept that fact that dieting is a polite term for “Drug Rehab.”

Sugar is as addictive as heroin; carbs are like cocaine.

“Lays” potato chips has famously promoted the addictive nature of their product by proclaiming, “No one can eat just one.”  Amen to that.  Plus, they always taste better when you chase them with a handful of Oreo’s.  There’s something about that salt ‘n sugar combination that makes my mouth water.

Last year I dedicated an entire month eating salads, low-carb, lo-salt foods, fiber-rich snacks and I drank two gallons of water each day.  When it ended, all I lost was a month.

Dying healthy has lost its allure.

When I discovered my clothes were shrinking and I wasn’t getting any taller, I switched to XXL-sized shirts and pants with expandable waist bands.  Now I can breath easier; moreover, I visit Wal-Mart more frequently.  I find it refreshing to hang with people who help me feel better about myself.

If a court order dictated that I diet, it wouldn’t work. I’d like to see a 300 lb. deputy sheriff try to keep a potato chip out of my mouth, or me, a donut out of his.

Just thinking about dieting makes me want some Haagen Dazs.

I feel an intervention coming on.